I formulated these after I have let go. This is something I personally believe in and not one that I try to impose on others. If you agree with it, well and good. If not, well, let's just respect each other.
I have found that after a heartbreak, a person goes through these stages and should not deny nor suppress them. It's never healthy. Denial is such an ugly thing. The best thing is to just admit that you're going through the stages and never sugarcoat them. I am telling you, it's all right to go through them. You will not be judged as mean or inconsiderate.
Situation:
Your girl/boyfriend dumps you. You're still very much in love with her/him.
Stage 1: Self-pity.
More often than not, when another lets us down, we get the feeling that we're not good enough. We get to the thinking that that's the reason why s/he dumped us. We think horribly of ourselves. Sometimes, our self-esteem plummets to the ground. We feel like we are being crushed: our hearts, our souls, our whole being.
Stage 2: Anger
We realize that we are not the problem. S/he is the problem! The other person is an idiot and has no idea what s/he has just lost. We become hateful and revengeful. We feel rage rushing through our veins, as if it's what keeps us alive. We hate and we loathe. We want to destroy; destroy her/his life.
Stage 3: Acceptance
This is where we can sing that song... "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone..." We have finally accepted that it's over; that s/he ended it and we didn't; that we should not blame ourselves; that we should not blame her/him; that there are things that just don't last. This is not the part where we let go, this is just the door. The door hasn't even been opened yet, but we're standing right in front of it. We are now ready to open that door and let go.
Stage 4: Pseudo-Let Go
We feel like we have finally let the other person go. And why not? We haven't seen her/him for so long; we've never communicated; sometimes we're already with someone else. Yet, when you see her/him or talk to her/him, we find all the feelings and the memories coming back. We realize that the seeming "have let go" statement we made is not all that accurate. We're still in love.
Stage 5: We Have Finally Let Go
It takes a long, long, long time, somtimes, to get here. Too long even. But I'm sure we all get here. We all learn to let go. When we're here, we don't wonder anymore of the what ifs: what if I was like this, what if I did this, what if we didn't, what if we did. We don't hope anymore that we'll get back with her/him, at all. Instead, we forgive and we start a new relationship with the other, something civil and worthy of noting... as friends. There are no longer any antagonists at this stage.
It took a very long time before I got to the final stage, but I did. It was all so difficult but I guess now that I think about it, I woudn't have it any other way. I learned a lot from the ordeal. Sweet misery, it was.
I have found that after a heartbreak, a person goes through these stages and should not deny nor suppress them. It's never healthy. Denial is such an ugly thing. The best thing is to just admit that you're going through the stages and never sugarcoat them. I am telling you, it's all right to go through them. You will not be judged as mean or inconsiderate.
Situation:
Your girl/boyfriend dumps you. You're still very much in love with her/him.
Stage 1: Self-pity.
More often than not, when another lets us down, we get the feeling that we're not good enough. We get to the thinking that that's the reason why s/he dumped us. We think horribly of ourselves. Sometimes, our self-esteem plummets to the ground. We feel like we are being crushed: our hearts, our souls, our whole being.
Stage 2: Anger
We realize that we are not the problem. S/he is the problem! The other person is an idiot and has no idea what s/he has just lost. We become hateful and revengeful. We feel rage rushing through our veins, as if it's what keeps us alive. We hate and we loathe. We want to destroy; destroy her/his life.
Stage 3: Acceptance
This is where we can sing that song... "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone..." We have finally accepted that it's over; that s/he ended it and we didn't; that we should not blame ourselves; that we should not blame her/him; that there are things that just don't last. This is not the part where we let go, this is just the door. The door hasn't even been opened yet, but we're standing right in front of it. We are now ready to open that door and let go.
Stage 4: Pseudo-Let Go
We feel like we have finally let the other person go. And why not? We haven't seen her/him for so long; we've never communicated; sometimes we're already with someone else. Yet, when you see her/him or talk to her/him, we find all the feelings and the memories coming back. We realize that the seeming "have let go" statement we made is not all that accurate. We're still in love.
Stage 5: We Have Finally Let Go
It takes a long, long, long time, somtimes, to get here. Too long even. But I'm sure we all get here. We all learn to let go. When we're here, we don't wonder anymore of the what ifs: what if I was like this, what if I did this, what if we didn't, what if we did. We don't hope anymore that we'll get back with her/him, at all. Instead, we forgive and we start a new relationship with the other, something civil and worthy of noting... as friends. There are no longer any antagonists at this stage.
It took a very long time before I got to the final stage, but I did. It was all so difficult but I guess now that I think about it, I woudn't have it any other way. I learned a lot from the ordeal. Sweet misery, it was.
2 comments:
Haha, you've found yourself an ally sis! reading through several of your posts made me smile. well, i'm still in the stage of pseudo-let go har har, i admit =) but it doesn't mean i wont be achieveing the final and ultimate stage right? this coming october, it'll be a year already... and he dumped me 6 days before my birthday and had the nerve to say "advance happy birthday nga pala" haha. well i'm no longer bitter, but that historical line just makes me smirk everytime a remember it. cheers to you sis, for having been able to completely let go. im still in the process but hopefully it won't take yet another year =)
Post a Comment