Moment of Truth

Well, I'm right. He didn't accept my friend's invitation to be added as her friend in Friendster. It's kinda disappointing; which I really don't have any right to feel.

I know I shouldn't be expecting at all... and believe me, I'm trying so hard not to... but the truth is, I want things to be perfect--in that, he's thinking about me the way I'm thinking about him. And it really really sucks because from experience, the guys I like and the guys that I hope like me the same way, don't. And I really like this guy.

To my mind, it's totally insane. I mean, I don't know anything about him--and yet, I get this "thing" for him. It's ridiculous!

Now, I'm not completely clueless with regard to this whole thing. I know what to do... and I know how to handle it in case things don't go the way I really want it to. But come on, like I said in the description of this blog... "I'm human"; and I think it's normal for me to want good things to happen to me.

Here's something even more crazy...

Another friend of mine (not the one who tried to add the guy in her list of friends in friendster) suggested that I make my own friendster account and then I'll be the one to invite him. Okay... the thing is... I've never made a friendster account--ever! Even my very best friends weren't able to make me. At this point, the reason for that is not really that essential. What's important is my decision to make one right now just so I could try to find closure for this whole episode. I just need to know if he remembers me, right? If he saw my face, would he know me? If I invite him to be my friend, would he accept? Because if he does accept, then it could mean that he does remember me. If he does not accept, then he doesn't remember me (or even if he does remember me, he doesn't care). The illusion ends as easy as that... then maybe I could move on with my life.

I have a window of opportunity to get the answers I've been trying so hard to get. The question is, will I take advantage of it? Because when I come to think of it, maybe this is the only chance I'll ever have to know for sure. On the other hand... am I going too far with this? Should I throw in the towel? I mean, after all, I already did make an effort before... and that did not result to anything. Maybe that's the answer right there.